Sometimes the best way to describe my encounters here in my Jordanian village is to let the conversations speak for themselves. Like everywhere else in the world, no two people are the same and stereotyping is often a dangerous but easy way to express your observations. This is a recount of a conversation I had (in English) with the brother of my host father when he stopped by our house one afternoon for a visit. Uncle Zaid is an English teacher and enjoys coming over to talk with me in English. Usually he starts out with 2 or 3 ridiculous riddles that do not make sense, even in English. No riddles today but there were some interesting topics of conversations and they were ones that have come up often during my stay here. As usual, we start with questions about my family.
-How many brothers do you have?
-I told you, no brothers. Only three sisters.
-Really, no brothers? (He shakes his head.) How old are your sisters?
-27, 26, and 22.
-Has the youngest finished university?
-Yes, she just finished.
-Is she married?
-No, she is not.
-Why is she not here with you in Jordan?
-Well, she may come to visit but she is working. She has a job.
-Oh. Well you must tell her I have a 20-year-old son in university for her to
marry. Yes, she would be very good for him.
-(I laugh.) I think she wants to marry an American. She likes America.
-Yes but she should still come and meet him. You never know what she might
think. You must tell her.
-(I laugh again.) Yes, I will tell her.
-What does she look like? Does she look Arab?
-Well, she looks like me but is taller and has long blond hair. Light hair,
yellow.
-Oh, I am sure she looks Arab.
-In 2 or 3 years, when my sons are done with university, I will get a new
wife.
-Why?
-See, I will go to America and get a new wife. In America there will be no
problems.
-You think there will be no problems in America with having a second wife?
-No problems. See my younger brother, he has no sons.
-Does he have any daughters?
-No, he has been married for 13 years and still no children. He is looking for a
new wife.
-Are you coming with us to pay?
-To pay?
-To pray.
-Oh, no I will stay here.
-You are a Christian, no.
-Yes I am Christian.
-Do you ever think about being a Muslim?
-I try to learn about Muslims but I am happy being a Christian. Do you ever
think about being a Christian?
-Yes, all the time. To be Muslim you have to be Christian, but being Christian
is not being Muslim you know. Islam is what comes next. It is better you see
because there are more options.
-More options? How so?
-See to be Muslim, you have to believe in Jesus. He is one of the prophets and
Mohammad was the final prophet that came after Jesus. But Christians they don’t
believe in Mohammad. See Christian and Muslim are very much the same, but
Muslims, we have more options. It is like a Mercedes. You can have a 1980
Mercedes and a 2004 Mercedes. Both are the same car but the 2004 Mercedes has
more options you see. It is better. Do you have a computer?
-Yes, I do.
-See it is like a computer with a Pentium 2 and one with a Pentium 4. Why would
you want a computer with a Pentium 2 when there is one with a Pentium 4? See the
Pentium 4 is better, it has more options. Why drive a stick shift when you can
drive an automatic.
-Well, I see how you can say there are alike in many ways but I am not sure I
agree that just because Islam came later that it has more options.
-See, people do not understand Islam and they think it is bad because there
are some bad Muslims, but it is a very good religion. People think women do not
have any rights, but women have all rights and are treated very well and taken
care of. In American, when a girl turns 18 you throw her out to the dogs on the
street.
-That is not true. When I turned 18, I left home but I went to university then
got a job and did well. I was not thrown out to the dogs on the street.
-But see, we take care of our women. We do not make them work. In the west you
make your women work if they want to survive but I will take care of my daughter
and find her a good husband and she will not have to work.
-But what if she wants to work? What if she wants to be a doctor?
-Yes, she can be a doctor if she wants.
-Well, what if your son does not want to work.
-No he must work. He is my son and I must make sure that he works and finds a
good wife and has a big family.
-Well, in America, women have many choices.
-But we take care of our women and are very good to them. They stay at home and
are protected from the dogs on the street. See, in 1984 I met this friend from
America, and she said that if you are 18 and still a virgin, your parents will
take you to the doctor to see what is wrong with you. No one in America stays a
virgin until they are married.
-That is not true. Some in America are like that, but some are very different.
-In Jordan, 100% of the women are virgins when they get married, but in America,
not even 10%.
-Where did you hear that? You really think that 100% of women in Jordan are
virgins when they get married?
-Of course.
-But see, this is a difference in culture, not religion. Not everyone in the
West is the same religion.
-I want you to start laughing. Yes you must laugh very hard, like I just told
you something very funny. You watch, they will all start laughing to like they
understand what is going on. (He refers to the 10 other family members in the
room watching us and talking amongst themselves.)
(We start laughing. Everyone in the room begins to laugh along with us.)
-You see, they are so stupid. They think they know what is going on but they
have no idea. Look, they are still laughing.
These conversations give me a lot to think about and I am never quite sure how
to react. Uncle Zain is a very friendly man, and one of the few men I get to sit
down and talk to. But, do I try to correct his misconceptions of Americans? Dare
I try to explain parts of my culture that are ‘haram’ (forbidden) in the village
where I am living: dating, women showing their arms and legs, gender mixing in
public, talking and laughing out loud on the streets? Luckily, I have not been
pressed with questions about American politics which quickly lead to harsh
criticisms of US foreign policy and many horrifying personal stories about
family members in Palestine and Iraq. The Peace Corps has advised us to steer
clear of many of these topics and right now, I just do not have the language
skills nor know enough historical background to even attempt to explain,
discuss, defend or agree. I know my presence over the last 8 weeks has made and
impressions (a good one I hope) about who Americans are and for now I will have
to let that serve as my response to their questions.
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